If you’ve ever found yourself negotiating with a screaming toddler over the colour of their socks or explaining (for the fiftieth time) why chocolate buttons are not an acceptable breakfast, you are not alone. Toddler tantrums are a normal, if slightly hair-raising, part of growing up — and of parenting too.

Let’s dig into the hows, whys, and what-on-earth-do-I-do-nows — with a little backup from the experts.

Why Do Toddlers Have Tantrums?

Firstly: tantrums are developmentally normal.
The NHS explains that tantrums happen because toddlers are still learning how to manage big emotions like frustration, anger, and disappointment. Their brains are a work-in-progress, and impulse control isn’t something that magically appears overnight.

Common tantrum triggers include:

• Tiredness or hunger (the holy terrors of “hangry”)

• Frustration at not being understood

• A desire for independence (“I do it!”)

• Big changes (new baby, moving house, different routines)

• Feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated

Knowing that tantrums aren’t a sign of bad parenting — but a normal stage of emotional development — is step one to keeping your own cool.

Top Tips for Surviving (and Minimising) Toddler Tantrums

1. Stay Calm (Even When You Want to Scream Into a Cushion)

According to the NSPCC, one of the best ways to handle toddler tantrums is to stay calm and consistent. If you lose your temper too, it can make your child’s emotions escalate even further.
Easier said than done when you’re being kicked in the shin over a banana, I know — but deep breaths really do help.

Try:

• Lowering your voice (sometimes whispering can snap their attention back to you)

• Taking a step back (both mentally and physically)

• Repeating a calming phrase to yourself like, “This is just a moment. It will pass.”

2. Acknowledge Their Feelings

Imagine feeling furious and not being able to explain why. That’s your toddler, daily.

ERIC, The Children’s Bowel and Bladder Charity, and other child psychology resources recommend naming the emotion your toddler is feeling.
For example:

• “You’re really upset because you wanted to stay in the park.”

• “You’re angry because you can’t have more sweets.”

Acknowledging feelings doesn’t mean you give in, but it does mean your child feels seen and heard — and often that’s half the battle.

Photo by Helena Lopes

3. Offer Choices

Giving toddlers small, manageable choices can reduce feelings of powerlessness and prevent toddler tantrums from even starting.
According to the NHS parenting guidelines, offering simple choices helps promote independence and reduce power struggles.

Example choices:

• “Would you like the red cup or the blue one?”

• “Shall we brush teeth before or after we read a story?”

It’s a subtle trick that makes toddlers feel more in control — while you’re still steering the ship.

4. Distraction Is Your Secret Weapon

Younger toddlers are particularly easy to distract if you move quickly. Sometimes the best way to diffuse a brewing tantrum is simply to change the subject or the scenery.

Top distractions:

• Pointing out something interesting (“Look at that big dog outside!”)

• Starting a silly game (“Let’s see who can hop to the bathroom!”)

• Offering a small task (“Can you be my helper and carry these socks?”)

5. After the Storm: Talk It Through

Once your child has calmed down, it’s a great opportunity to gently explain what happened and how they might manage their feelings next time.

For example:

• “When you’re feeling cross, you can use your words or stomp your feet three times instead of shouting.”

The charity Mind recommends teaching simple emotional regulation techniques like deep breathing or “squeezing and releasing” fists to help children learn how to cope with big feelings.

When to Seek Extra Help

Toddler tantrums are normal — but if your child’s outbursts are very intense, frequent (multiple times a day, every day), or if you find they’re hurting themselves or others regularly, it’s worth chatting to your GP or health visitor.

Resources like Family Lives and YoungMinds offer advice lines and online guides for parents if you need a little extra support.

In Summary

Toddler tantrums aren’t a sign of bad parenting — they’re a messy, noisy, very normal part of childhood.
The key is staying calm, setting clear boundaries, offering comfort, and knowing that this phase doesn’t last forever (even if it feels like it in the moment).

So next time you’re crouching in the supermarket trying to reason with a furious toddler over a dented packet of raisins, just remember: you’re not alone. You’re raising a small human. You’re doing an amazing job — toddler tantrums and all.

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If you liked this, you might like Surviving Potty Training Without Losing Your Mind.